Wait

Wind blew down the alleys, frost stained the windows, and Ruth waited for the train. Just beyond the platform people shuffled along to work, to school, to wherever. It didn't matter to Ruth, all she knew is that they reminded her of sheep. She was content at the station.

8:03. Late. The conductors shouting became audible. "All aboard!"

But this train was late, that couldn't be a good sign. Also it was red. Red made her nervous. Glossy-eyed commuters elbowed and crammed into the car. They must have been late too. She didn't like the look of it. Nothing appeared good. Ruth would wait for another train.

She questioned herself. Maybe that train wasn't even going to where she wanted. That's right. She had been standing on the wrong side of the platform completely. The morning bustle came and went. Ruth remained and headed to the other side of the tracks with a renewed sense of purpose.

Noon on the dot. This one looked promising. It screeched to a halt with a screech that reminded Ruth of the grammar school chalkboard. This caused her to recall how insecure she felt when she was young. Consequently, insecurity had overcome Ruth. The people in the car looked pleasant enough, and it was going in the direction she thought she wanted, but this also was not her train.

Ruth began to notice familiar faces. She had been on the platform long enough to see people start and finish their day. Sulking, she sat on the bench. The once nameless, faceless people began to take on character. To Ruth, each one of them told a story more successful than hers, happier than hers, and more fulfilling than hers. They had it all. "Why" she thought, "do I have nothing?"

A light flickered and died in the lamp post next to her. The night janitor had just begun his shift. As he approached to sweep under Ruth's bench he asked, "Going somewhere tonight miss?" It was then that she realized she had never left the platform.

Read it here on Christian Articles Resource

Always True

I've never heard of this guy, but his book caught my interest. In his book "Always True," pastor James Macdonald provides five of God's major promises in a topical study format. The struggle of mine that seems to tackle me to the ground most frequently is that of focusing on the imperatives while forgetting the indicatives. Focusing on the work and forgetting the grace. I'd like to give it a look.

I looked this guy up to see what he's all about. Because I walk the fine line between judgmental and discerning (usually erring on the side of judgmental), I was tempted to think by looking at the website, "here's another seeker-sensitive church with vague theology." I'm not on a witch hunt, I just want to be careful what I read...because what I ingest gets applied to my life, whether adversely or consciously. Pastor Macdonald founded the Harvest ministry of churches and schools, but not the Harvest I was familiar with [Greg Laurie and the Crusades]. They have a lot of churches in the Midwest and on the East Coast, some even abroad. They've planted hundreds of churches. It seems to me that they have topical preaching, but I don't want to label him seeker-sensitive or emerging...because I just don't know.

Do you?

Is this gonna be forever?

Some days I'm ok. I view my situation and am content in knowing that a sovereign God has put me exactly where He wants me, right now. Then there are the bad days. All it takes is for jealousy or thanklessness to creep in the back door and I'm right back where I started, fighting for my sanity. I am unemployed - and I know I'm not the only one who has ever felt this way.

This morning I woke up thinking, "Why does God seem to be silent?" I not only ask God for contentedness -finding my full worth and satisfaction in belonging to Him- but I also ask that He would provide something for me this summer. I find myself wondering what I did wrong. See, and I know I want to pin it on something I did or didn't do, because this way, I can fix it. I can still control the situation. Am I being a faithful follower of Christ? Am I being responsible? Am I looking hard enough? Ok, now I've reminded myself that I am not in control. Trite, but true. Moving on throughout my day, I then start to wonder if God even hears me. Is there something I'm missing? No, no. God's commandments -His will for my life- are clear. He does not hide Himself. I know those things are true, I'm even pretty sure I believe them. Why then am I still in this situation?

At this point, Job usually comes to mind. I feel petty for even making the comparison. Job's whole family was killed and possessions taken away. Even his health was taken away. While reading Job though, its clear that the principle is the same and applies directly to my situation. "And the Lord said to Job: 'Shall a faultfinder contend with the Almighty? He who argues with God, let him answer it' (Job 40:1)." When I start demanding things from God, I am finding fault in Him. I am, in a sense, saying that He is not doing what He needs to be doing in my life. That's dangerous, and I know it. So when I find myself thinking this way I quickly bound back.

Often when we are trudging through times when we feel as if we have nothing, the answer is to recount God's faithfulness to you. What has He provided? Without a doubt, when I look at my life, the most paramount, direction-changing events have come with no forethought on my part at all. In this I can easily see the sovereign hand of God, swooping down to manifest Himself to me in a way I cannot ignore. The struggle is in seeing every other instance, however mundane (and sometimes apparently awful), in the same way.

The end of the matter, all has been heard. Fear God and keep His commandments, for this is the whole duty of man.

do-done-DID

That there's a red velvet cheesecake! Happy 50th Dad =]

A Sandy Situation

Q: where does my worth lie?

Q: where do my feelings of constant disappointment come from?

A?: Some days I'm daydreaming that I'm a folk musician from Nashville, an advertising executive, an antique store owner...whatever it is, its always something I know I'm not. I'm focusing on the uncharacteristic, not on the indicative. Dreaming is healthy, envy is ghastly.

See its summertime again, and for me, this is when feelings of worthlessness set it. All year long I'm away at school, keeping busy with school, church, and a job. I feel accomplished and most of the time I'm proud of my work. I tell myself its worthwhile, and I am content.

Trusting God and human responsibility coexist. He has given us resources and talents. We plan our course, but He determines our steps. We are told to seek first His kingdom, and earthly needs will be added unto us. If you know me, you know that I've definitely taken care of the human responsibility side of things...and then some. Its not that I believe God is not trustworthy, its almost like I believe I know what I need better than He does, and that somehow, right now, I'm not where I'm supposed to be - I'm supposed to be somewhere better.

When I ask myself "what is my position?" the first thing that I recall is not my position in Christ. This is the essential problem. He has been faithful, and will continue to be faithful. I need to get it out of my head that one of life's main goals is to make a name for myself because my pride is at stake.

My hope is built on nothing less

than Jesus' blood and righteousness

I dare not trust the sweetest frame

but wholly lean on Jesus' name.

On Christ the Solid Rock I stand

All other ground is sinking sand.

I am, in essence, the same person whether I'm stranded in the desert or self-employed in my Hollywood loft. So rather than focus on the paint, let me rather focus on the contents of the house.

*just add water

Any training - physical, mental, or spiritual - is characterized at first by failure. We fail more often than we succeed. but if we persevere, we gradually see progress till we are succeeding more often than we are failing. this is true as we seek to put to death particular sins. at first it seems we are making no progress, so we become discouraged and think, what's the use? i can never overcome that sin. that is exactly what Satan wants us to think.

-Jerry Bridges, Pursuit of Holiness

I'm not quite sure when it happened, but I've realized that I stopped caring that much about spiritual discipline. I've adopted this que sera attitude toward my spiritual life thinking all the bells and whistles aren't worth the regular tunings. If I read my Bible most days and pray when prayer comes to mind and go to Bible study and church every Sunday....it'll all just fall into place. The change I knew should be coming in my life I wanted now, and when discipline wasn't "working" I quickly gave it up for something easier.

What I wanted was instant sanctification.

Not because of anything I've been actively seeking to learn lately, but something that has (obviously sovereignly) come to my mind is spiritual warfare. Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour [1 Peter 5:8]. It seems easy for me to assent in my head that, yes, I need to be actively pursuing holiness with a spiritual discipline, but to actually bend my will to do it is different altogether. I know I must ask the Lord for this. We're pathetic aren't we? We need to ask the Lord to help us love him. And even this gets tiring. I don't know about you, but I grow tired of asking the Lord day after day to cause me to want to obey His commandments and trust that He will do it. If I've learned anything about the Christian life, one thing I've learned well is that this is what it looks like.

Always failing, always repenting, then grace abounding. Always learning, always forgetting, always being reminded.

This battle cannot be fought in ambiguous terms and and undefined platitudes. James 1:22 warns of vague spirituality...a Christianity that you agree with cognitively, but don't apply specifically ["but instead be doers of the word..."].

I don't know what else to say. Just something I've been thinking about lately.

http://christian-topics.info/Article/Just-Add-Water/11635

Coffee Stains

Living in the dorms means we get the luxury of washing our dishes in the community bathroom. I stood under the fluorescent lights with a sponge in one hand and my mug in the other hand, trying to scrub out the coffee stains. Those stains were a school-year-long project that had been worked on every day, faithfully. This past year was made up of a lot of different days...easy to forget when you're at the edge of a hill you just climbed, looking down on the entire valley. It reminds me of a tree trunk actually - each ring attests to the amount of time the tree has been standing. To be frank, I've forgotten most of those days. A conversation, a class, or even a meal might remain impressed upon my memory, but entire days...I can't say the same. It's funny how we only acknowledge the gravity of how far we've been brought when we hit a milestone...21st birthday, graduation, marriage...they're just days.

A day is a day is a day is a day.

I've come to a conclusion. Moments matter. This is why we shouldn't wait til tomorrow to do [whatever] or let a negative comment ruin an entire day.

I'm home now.

God, I don't understand what all these moments have meant. I am sure of very little, but what I am sure of I will not waver on: that you have controlled the moments, that You have sustained me through them, and were glorified in them. You know my sitting down and my standing up. I plan my course but You determine my steps.

I think coffee stains are as hard to get off your mug as they are to get off your teeth. The school year is done. I can change no part of it. When I look at it, and try to contrive some meaning of my own into it, I realize that an attempt to do so is vanity. I think of the good moments and the not-so-fun moments, the indifferent moments and the impactful moments...if I fail to recognize the Lord as sovereign God over those moments they all become meaningless.

Fear God and keep His commandments.

It's tempting to want to aggrandize everything. To turn a year of my life into a certain "theme" would be to trivialize it. Lots of days happened...lots of days. I'm not going to pretend to know the big picture...to idolize control that much. God has determined my steps, and the path that has taken me is intricate.

I am [being taught to be] content to know next to nothing of what to make of all my days, and instead know nothing but that a loving God is controlling them.