Is this gonna be forever?

Some days I'm ok. I view my situation and am content in knowing that a sovereign God has put me exactly where He wants me, right now. Then there are the bad days. All it takes is for jealousy or thanklessness to creep in the back door and I'm right back where I started, fighting for my sanity. I am unemployed - and I know I'm not the only one who has ever felt this way.

This morning I woke up thinking, "Why does God seem to be silent?" I not only ask God for contentedness -finding my full worth and satisfaction in belonging to Him- but I also ask that He would provide something for me this summer. I find myself wondering what I did wrong. See, and I know I want to pin it on something I did or didn't do, because this way, I can fix it. I can still control the situation. Am I being a faithful follower of Christ? Am I being responsible? Am I looking hard enough? Ok, now I've reminded myself that I am not in control. Trite, but true. Moving on throughout my day, I then start to wonder if God even hears me. Is there something I'm missing? No, no. God's commandments -His will for my life- are clear. He does not hide Himself. I know those things are true, I'm even pretty sure I believe them. Why then am I still in this situation?

At this point, Job usually comes to mind. I feel petty for even making the comparison. Job's whole family was killed and possessions taken away. Even his health was taken away. While reading Job though, its clear that the principle is the same and applies directly to my situation. "And the Lord said to Job: 'Shall a faultfinder contend with the Almighty? He who argues with God, let him answer it' (Job 40:1)." When I start demanding things from God, I am finding fault in Him. I am, in a sense, saying that He is not doing what He needs to be doing in my life. That's dangerous, and I know it. So when I find myself thinking this way I quickly bound back.

Often when we are trudging through times when we feel as if we have nothing, the answer is to recount God's faithfulness to you. What has He provided? Without a doubt, when I look at my life, the most paramount, direction-changing events have come with no forethought on my part at all. In this I can easily see the sovereign hand of God, swooping down to manifest Himself to me in a way I cannot ignore. The struggle is in seeing every other instance, however mundane (and sometimes apparently awful), in the same way.

The end of the matter, all has been heard. Fear God and keep His commandments, for this is the whole duty of man.