Coffee Stains

Living in the dorms means we get the luxury of washing our dishes in the community bathroom. I stood under the fluorescent lights with a sponge in one hand and my mug in the other hand, trying to scrub out the coffee stains. Those stains were a school-year-long project that had been worked on every day, faithfully. This past year was made up of a lot of different days...easy to forget when you're at the edge of a hill you just climbed, looking down on the entire valley. It reminds me of a tree trunk actually - each ring attests to the amount of time the tree has been standing. To be frank, I've forgotten most of those days. A conversation, a class, or even a meal might remain impressed upon my memory, but entire days...I can't say the same. It's funny how we only acknowledge the gravity of how far we've been brought when we hit a milestone...21st birthday, graduation, marriage...they're just days.

A day is a day is a day is a day.

I've come to a conclusion. Moments matter. This is why we shouldn't wait til tomorrow to do [whatever] or let a negative comment ruin an entire day.

I'm home now.

God, I don't understand what all these moments have meant. I am sure of very little, but what I am sure of I will not waver on: that you have controlled the moments, that You have sustained me through them, and were glorified in them. You know my sitting down and my standing up. I plan my course but You determine my steps.

I think coffee stains are as hard to get off your mug as they are to get off your teeth. The school year is done. I can change no part of it. When I look at it, and try to contrive some meaning of my own into it, I realize that an attempt to do so is vanity. I think of the good moments and the not-so-fun moments, the indifferent moments and the impactful moments...if I fail to recognize the Lord as sovereign God over those moments they all become meaningless.

Fear God and keep His commandments.

It's tempting to want to aggrandize everything. To turn a year of my life into a certain "theme" would be to trivialize it. Lots of days happened...lots of days. I'm not going to pretend to know the big picture...to idolize control that much. God has determined my steps, and the path that has taken me is intricate.

I am [being taught to be] content to know next to nothing of what to make of all my days, and instead know nothing but that a loving God is controlling them.