Coffee Stains

Living in the dorms means we get the luxury of washing our dishes in the community bathroom. I stood under the fluorescent lights with a sponge in one hand and my mug in the other hand, trying to scrub out the coffee stains. Those stains were a school-year-long project that had been worked on every day, faithfully. This past year was made up of a lot of different days...easy to forget when you're at the edge of a hill you just climbed, looking down on the entire valley. It reminds me of a tree trunk actually - each ring attests to the amount of time the tree has been standing. To be frank, I've forgotten most of those days. A conversation, a class, or even a meal might remain impressed upon my memory, but entire days...I can't say the same. It's funny how we only acknowledge the gravity of how far we've been brought when we hit a milestone...21st birthday, graduation, marriage...they're just days.

A day is a day is a day is a day.

I've come to a conclusion. Moments matter. This is why we shouldn't wait til tomorrow to do [whatever] or let a negative comment ruin an entire day.

I'm home now.

God, I don't understand what all these moments have meant. I am sure of very little, but what I am sure of I will not waver on: that you have controlled the moments, that You have sustained me through them, and were glorified in them. You know my sitting down and my standing up. I plan my course but You determine my steps.

I think coffee stains are as hard to get off your mug as they are to get off your teeth. The school year is done. I can change no part of it. When I look at it, and try to contrive some meaning of my own into it, I realize that an attempt to do so is vanity. I think of the good moments and the not-so-fun moments, the indifferent moments and the impactful moments...if I fail to recognize the Lord as sovereign God over those moments they all become meaningless.

Fear God and keep His commandments.

It's tempting to want to aggrandize everything. To turn a year of my life into a certain "theme" would be to trivialize it. Lots of days happened...lots of days. I'm not going to pretend to know the big picture...to idolize control that much. God has determined my steps, and the path that has taken me is intricate.

I am [being taught to be] content to know next to nothing of what to make of all my days, and instead know nothing but that a loving God is controlling them.

God's Hand

I'm not sure if I've ever had a more encouraging resurrection Sunday.

Every week at Bible study, we have a time where we can all share how God has worked in our lives the past week, and every week I am convicted. Honestly I would say I let myself coast on default [unfortunately] most of the time...my brain takes in the events of the day as things that just happen. I asked for prayer that I would be able to see events in my life as God's hand specifically and that I would acknowledge that and praise Him for it.

God is so real. I don't know any other way to say it. Christ really is who He said He was and He really has given His Spirit to me. That kind of assurance [that could assure even a cynic like me] could ONLY come from a God who is there.

Believing in the resurrection changes everything. I am no longer dead in my sins, but am alive in Christ. Because He lives - I live, and belief in the cross "demands my soul, my life, my all." Prayer to a God who is there and the Christ who is really risen is EFFECTIVE. I see how God is working in my life when I'm actively seeking Him through prayer...so when something "happens" its impossible for me to attribute it to chance, or brush it off as nothing.

He is working in my life daily - and to think that He is doing that for all the saints blows my mind at how amazing the Lord is. He cares for us, He DIED for us, and continues to WORK in us, and I have seen that this week so clearly.

**also, this article was really encouraging, as are most I read from DeYoung. It's primarily about growing cold in the faith. May we never forget the relevancy of the gospel and our dependence on it daily. http://thegospelcoalition.org/blogs/kevindeyoung/2011/04/22/lest-we-drift-away/

That's Life?

A repeating theme this week [and in my life] has been changing friendships.

People leave- move away, transfer schools, get busy, etc. etc.

I'm conflicted between two thoughts:

a) that relationship was good for what it was, when the Lord was gracious enough to provide it, and therefore there is no reason to lament it or desire to have it back.

b) relationships are important and keeping them are even more important. In this way we model faithfulness in loving people un-conditionally (that particular and primary condition being distance)

As per many of the conclusions I come to, my tendency would be to say that its a balance...or at least case-by-case (what type of friendship was it, what are the reasons the friendship changed, and what do I desire it to look like in the future?). But I'm still feeling conflicted on how to look at these situations.

How [do] I Get There [?]

I often wonder "how do I get to where I can say what I want to say?" Writing is often about how I get to the point cleverly, creatively, and logically enough to where my point has been communicated effectively without me just blurting it out.

Other times, I just can't do it. I'm walking the fine line between writing and ranting when I can't lead up to a point, but even at the risk of doing so, I think sometimes it's a relief for me (and I think, a relief for others to read) to just say what you set out to say, right from the get go.

"Out with it already!"

Ironically, writing about how I can't think of a clever introduction has given me an introduction.

(cue awkward paragraph break and imagine a smooth transition here, if you wish)

I want to do something with my life. Before I go on, I want to make a little disclaimer. Yes, I have read "Just Do Something" & I know the will of God for my life is to love Him and obey His commandments so whether I choose a red Prius or a blue Acura is irrelevant. I'm not even speaking ministry-ly (I deny a separation between the sacred and the secular via the priesthood of all believers). What I am referring to is earning my bread. I will need to work. While I know that not everyone has the luxury of doing what they love in order to earn a living, I've been thinking...why can't I? I think I have a choice, don't I? I am filled by Christ, lacking nothing, so my fulfillment will never come from my career, but granted that I am "doing God's will" by treasuring Him alone in my heart I believe I have been given the freedom to pursue something I love.

That's not even to mention giftedness! The Lord has endowed us each with spiritual gifts as well as practical skills that we can employ in a work-setting. We work like the rest of the world, but what a unique opportunity is it that we acknowledge that those gifts are from the Lord and can now be "redeemed" to be used for the Lord.

This isn't necessarily a new revelation. Just an old truth brought to the front of my mind recently. In order to help pay for school, I work a job that I almost can't stand. The work is rote and I am at the bottom of the totem-pole, doing tasks that no one else wants to do. This seems to have been the pattern of my work life so far, and I'm praying its not an indication of what my future will look like. I believe I'm ambitious, not arrogant, when I say that I can do so much more!

I know where I want to go in the end...but how do I get there? I perceive that most are content to work "just to get by." How depressing! Pray ambitiously - I know I will be.

Thoughts Inspired by The Princess Bride & Dr. Hotchkiss

Pain is an interesting emotion. Are we supposed to feel it? No doubt it is programmed into us as human beings. When we are hurt, we feel pain. But are we supposed to feel it...is it "ok" to be in pain? Or is it a temporary state that only exists so that it can be overcome as quickly as possible?

"Life IS pain," replied Wesley to Princess Buttercup, "anyone who tells you otherwise is trying to sell you something." Life indeed contains pain, but I question whether it is the ingredient that life is made up of.

On the flip-side, while discussing the Romantics in class one day, Dr. Hotchkiss made this statement: "Art comes from pain, and Christians aren't supposed to feel pain." Its as if pain is like the bad guys in 'The Village' ("those who we do not speak of"). It sounds ridiculous, by saying "we do not speak" of something is actually what proves its existence. Often we pretend pain doesn't exist either for the purpose of fooling ourselves or maintaining a front, because to acknowledge pain is painful, and allows people to see that you aren't "ok." The unbeliever might respond with a cavalier "who cares?" but what must be understood is that from the Christian perspective, to admit that you are in a state of pain is tantamount to an unstable spiritual life, and the last thing we want people doing is questioning the eternal state of our souls.

Life IS pain...no. To live is Christ.

Christians aren't supposed to feel pain?...yes, but, WE DO.

To reconcile the two we must acknowledge pain, its existence as well as its presence in our own lives. But to stop there would be to despair - to be without God. We are perplexed by pain, but not in despair (2 Cor. 4:8). And we do not despair because our hope is beyond this life and is found in Christ...but I digress.

Life is not pain, life includes pain. Don't ignore it, embrace it.

http://christian-topics.info/Article/The-Christian-and-Pain/10898

unfinished business

The tagline under my blog title reads: "...is in the works..."

While initially I put that there because it literally was "in the works," I like it. I think I'm going to stick with it.

In lieu of a quote that would be pertinent to describing my blog by a person who has impacted me, I'll leave it as it is. Nothing had come to mind after a day of brainstorming, but a truism instead. Most often, the best-fitting things come effortlessly. My tagline took me about 2 seconds to think and type out, and yet its the best thing I've come up with.

This blog isn't about anything, per se. Its all just in the works, as its author is in the works. By the grace of God alone I am being grown and changing by the day. My posts will reflect this, as I've noticed that my interests almost seem to change daily as well.

The Beginning

This blog was born out of the idea that no one is original, and almost no one truly cares about what you have to say excepting that your opinion is already esteemed...sort of a Catch-22. What results from this is a generation of critics where scarce are the souls who actually dare to do anything. Criticism is easy -hold your horses, literary critics.

"I could have made a better movie..."

"Going mainstream ruined that band."

The list goes on. And while we find a certain level of comfort in giving our half-thought-through criticisms of movies, music, and presidential policy, what have we really accomplished? What have we actually created for ourselves? At the risk of sounding like Rob Bell, let me actually attempt to answer the questions I've presented. There is a place for criticism. It is vital to form an opinion on pertinent issues. We don't have the luxury of being ignorantly blissful, life is happening whether you are conscious of it or not. That being said, what if all everyone did was critique? Eventually the only things left to critique would be critiques! Who are the criticized? The do-ers. I commend them for it, and wish to do likewise. By doing, something is created. Something original to yourself, albeit not something inherently original, we are not the Creator. BUT we have been endowed with creativity - all of us have. Use it.

Now for some more personal context. I started a blog about 3 years ago now. It was a personal blog in which I shared my thoughts on certain ideas. Putting yourself "out there" means you are now vulnerable. Although I was typing out my thoughts, I didn't share them. At the risk of feeling boastful about myself, and battling with the feelings I described in my first paragraph (the "no one cares about my thoughts anyway" mentality), I didn't share my blog with anyone, and I think I made something like 5 posts. More of a diary than a self-publishing platform. Last year I wanted to write again. I pulled up my blogger account and changed my first blog entirely. New name, new format, and a new theme. This time around I played the critic. I blogged about new recipes, movies I had watched, and even art. I still enjoy it, in fact I kept the blog, its good for what it is. But none of the recipes were mine. And I certainly didn't write any screenplays or paint anything.

There is a quote that caught my eye. I was in the passenger seat of my friend's car in snowy Chicago. Its from Eleanor Roosevelt: "Great minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, small minds discuss people." Now I don't know if I'll ever have a "great mind," nor am I sure that that should be one of my goals, but there is something to be said for this. Events and people can function on their own - they need no help existing. But ideas...ideas don't happen on their own. The nature of ideas is that they are thought up. They are the content of cognition. So what I am going to push myself to do is counter-cultural in a sense. Lets make more doers. To criticize is comfort, to create is to be vulnerable...but you have still DONE something! Let that outweigh the fear of criticism.