Dangerous

"We are spiritual pacifists, non-militants, conscientious objectors in this battle to the death with principalities and powers in high places. Meekness must be had for contact with men, but brass, outspoken boldness is required to take part in the comradeship of the Cross. We are 'sideliners' - coaching and criticizing the real wrestlers while content to sit by and leave the enemies of God unchallenged. The world cannot hate us, we are too much like its own. Oh that God would make us dangerous!" -Jim Elliot

What's the point?

Happiness is the meaning and the purpose of life, the whole aim and end of human existence. ~ Aristotle

v.

The chief end of man is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever (fear God and keep His commandments, this is the whole duty of man eccl. 12)

***

We must always look outside of ourselves to find Truth and fulfillment. Left to ourselves we are empty.

Don't Forget

I'm finally doing it. My all-talk has turned into action and I'm learning to play the piano. Its only the first week and I have already managed to try and talk myself into dropping the class. Its ridiculous how good I am at justifying quitting. I can always just buy the book and learn on my own...I should wait until I have more time...or even its too late for me to learn. I still don't want to take any risks. I still refuse to feel discomfort, even with the knowledge of end reward. I won't quit though. I decided a long time ago that I won't let me talk myself out of things anymore. Even if nothing comes from this...if I never play for anyone...teach anyone...I will have tried, and by trying I will have learned something. That is always true. Compare it to a mid-life-crisis, only this is a "senior-year-crisis." I find myself thinking "if I don't do it now, when will I?" The finality of events that are major turning points in life make me look at everything in a new light. What's different about one day over any other? That's the wrong question I think - its more about the principle than the physical. Don't forget the choices you make, the thoughts you think, and the decisions you make in times of great emotion. Even when the emotion has died down, and you feel you are thinking more rationally, remember that those thoughts came from somewhere inside yourself that still exists no matter your disposition.

One truth on masquerade

I’ve been contemplative lately. This usually makes for plenty of good opportunities to write. However, I seem to be all thought and no action. I can’t write anything. The contradiction of that last sentence made me chuckle. Writing is a paradox for me: I both love it and hate it simultaneously. I’ve thought a lot of thoughts since my last post – all of them different. The part I find interesting is that they can all be connected. All of my thoughts, concerns, worries, joys, and experiences will tie back to a truth that is present in my life and in the world. Most thoughts that come to mind aren’t new, but are old thoughts resurrected, and often reincarnated. They disguise themselves as something new where really…we’re just learning the same lesson a million different ways. One of those masquerading characters is risk.

I am reluctant to risk. By its very nature, it carries the possibility that something may be lost, and people do not readily choose discomfort. This summer I’ve been reading one of the best books I think I’ve ever read and I don’t say that lightly. In Betty Smith’s A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, I see myself. I think anyone who reads this book will see themselves…because this isn’t a book about a girl growing up in Brooklyn at the turn of the century, it’s about human character. I have a hunch that when Ms. Smith penned these lines about two, middle-aged spinsters listening to a woman in labor, she was really discouraging people to avoid risk.

"That's why I didn't marry Harvey - long ago when he asked me. I was afraid of that. So afraid," Miss Maggie said.

"I don't know," Miss Lizzie said. "Sometimes I think it's better to suffer bitter unhappiness and to fight and to scream out, and even to suffer that terrible pain, than just to be...safe." She waited until the next scream died away. "At least she knows she's living."

Miss Maggie had no answer.

Introspective to a fault, I often find myself analyzing different aspects of my character. I came to the conclusion that I should take more risks. I like feeling safe and I like routine. My justification for avoiding risk is always the same: I don’t want it to end badly. But see, there are two sides to this coin called risk. On one side, yes, is great loss…but on the other is great gain. By avoiding flipping the coin altogether I get nothing (which actually is a loss, I think). Risk comes in both small and large packages. Maybe I should take it in easy doses, maybe I shouldn’t. I don’t know. I do know however that I want so badly to stop stagnating. By doing little to nothing I am safe, but I have not moved. I want to move.

Another thought that repeatedly flickers through my mind is this intense battle between knowing and believing. I sincerely question whether or not this is an issue of doubt. I don’t doubt the truth of the gospel or the fact that sinners really are saved from hell to live righteous lives for the glory of a God who does exist. I seem to struggle often with personal belief. I find myself teetering on a very thin ledge between belief and giving up. Knowing the truth of what I believe yet still struggling with all my energy to believe it is true…really true for my life. I know that it is Christ who works in me…I know that He who began a good work in me…I know that it all will be redeemed…I know…I know…but do I believe? Even belief is a gift of God, and to conquer my despair I must ask God. When I find myself thinking “I’ve heard it all before,” ready to just say screw it, these are the times where my thoughts are the most convoluted. The things I’m saying are incessant ramblings…like someone searching for the right word, trying to describe something they might know, and coming up short. It was extremely interesting for me to realize that the times I doubt the gospel (as it applies in my own life) are the times when I am the most confused. I use the most wishy-washy vocabulary like “I feel…It’s like…I’m not sure…I don’t know…” and I literally stopped mid-sentence during one of these convoluted doubt-ramblings because of a single thought. Truth is simple. Our lives are messy with lots of exceptions, yes, but Scripture is clear. This was a good indicator for me that what is false leaves me lost and confused and what is true is clear and simple. I must lose myself to be truly found in Christ.

And finally - cynicism. Cynicism is so hot right now [just kidding, but not really]. Cynicism at its root is unthankfulness and I’ve found that it has manifested itself in my life in a few different ways. Its most recent manifestation has been The Master’s College. Now, this post is about my sin and sanctification – not about school-bashing, so when I mention TMC, it is in reference to my struggles with cynicism, not the actual nature of the school. I’m often so wrapped up in imagining all the different scenarios [that haven’t even happened yet] that I’m harboring bitterness with very few grounds for it. It’s a form of selfishness that is reluctant to look at others and their needs and instead I play the victim of my circumstances. It’s so ugly and its one of my biggest struggles. Because my return to Master’s is imminent, my cynicism has made an appearance at the forefront of my thoughts. So who really cares if I get hit with a Frisbee during an inconveniently placed game of ultimate…or I see one too many roller backpacks…or I see people in authority who don’t live what they claim? What does that have to do with me? It cannot be what dictates my attitudes and actions, because that sin affects other people and I in turn am becoming the very thing I am bitter against.

There’s so much more. To try and recount each of my thoughts of the preceding weeks is a futile endeavor, but these are the main ones. I sin, I learn, I grow [thank you, Holy Spirit]. So these lessons I’ve been learning lately all have resulted from my sin. To sum up the entirety of my thought process the past few weeks in a question: “Why does God allow me to sin?” It’s as essential as risk, as clear and simple as the truth, and difficult for a cynic to believe. So good can come out of it. It is so that I can see how He redeems even the most sin-saturated things for His glory.

Agape

Anders Breivik walked into a room full of teenagers in Oslo last week and opened fire, killing many. He saw this as necessary. New York recently legalized gay marriage. They saw this as necessary.

A columnist for the New Yorker blogged about these two incidents last Sunday, drawing the conclusion that both the shootings in Oslo and gay marriage in New York point us to what love truly is, citing Martin Luther King Jr.'s writings on non-violence and the three Greek words for love. Needless to say, I had a major problem of her view on agape.

The columnist describes love as an affectionate community. America is the most individualistic society in the entire world. It is nigh impossible to look at the legalization of gay marriage in New York (triumph to many) and conclude that Americans -and humanity at large- know anything of living in community with affection toward our neighbor. Its easy to isolate one incident and make a sweeping generalization, but I can do the same with many more examples of hate and individualism in the world. The conclusion she comes to that agape was seen amid the shooting is reaching at best. If agape is just the "greater good," how can we deem anything good at all? Breivik saw the greater good as killing teenagers to send a political message for the betterment of society. New York legislators decided that the legalization of gay marriage was for the greater good.

Does love win if temporary satisfaction is gained? Or does true agape surpass our understanding. True love rips the blinders from our eyes, picks us out of the mire, and directs us toward Love Himself. Now if agape doesn't characterize my life after I've been shown such a grace, I am a fraud. If we as mere humans act in such a way as the German tourist in this story, it is a gift of grace and a reflection of God in humanity. The world sees acts of kindness and attributes it to the theory that humans are basically good, but it is impossible to explain evil in this world with the theory of humanity that we are basically good.

"No one is good, no not one..." This isn't just some pessimistic statement from an embittered Paul. No - these words are directly followed by "no one seeks after God." Seeking after God is good, and fallen man does not seek after God. Where is love here? Love cannot exist without the reality of the absence of "goodness" in men. The love of God slaughtered His Son so our unrighteousness can be called righteousness. "Affection" is merely the mud under our feet when compared to this love.

The saints are being transformed into the likeness of Christ. Loving the Lord is obeying His commands, and the reflection of this love to our neighbor is agape. Gracious agape.

What is the Chief End of Man?

In a recent article from The New Yorker, writer/musician Sasha Frere-Jones ruminates over the "troubled soul" of the now-deceased , Amy Winehouse.

Frere-Jones asks a lot of questions in her article, presumably unanswerable ones, in order to make a point: the elusive soul behind the life of Amy Winehouse was a hopeless mystery.

Every now and again in life, people with extraordinary talent arise. We cannot touch them. Winehouse's most recent album "Back to Black" was topping the charts in the United States with multitudes of fans to boot. Her sultry, throwback sound knew nothing of demographic differences. She sang everyone's story, and made a person think her songs were crafted just for them.

From our perspective, she had everything. So "why..." Frere-Jones asks, "was she not happier?"

She never answered the question. I'm guessing that's because she doesn't have one. Understandably so. If there is no hope beyond this life, then eat and drink - for tomorrow we die. Winehouse's death exemplifies this - and it is painful primarily because she represents so many who have died and will die with no hope. Without Christ, what we have in this life means nothing. Solomon dedicates an entire book to pondering this dilemma! If death comes to both the rich man as well as the lazy man, what profit is there in riches? He calls this vanity and chasing after the wind.

Maybe Winehouse came to this realization, but came to a different conclusion than Solomon. Stop at "life is vanity" and there is no reason to go on living. Speculating, I can imagine this as what was burdening Winehouse while performing her hits on stage in front of crowds of adoring fans with nothing but a heartless sway and a strait face that made people wonder "why was she not more excited?"

If she was still around, there would be no disputing that she had much more to offer. The article concludes thus: "Now? The jukebox is off and we're being ushered back home, with no address." The world was left wondering, "what happened to Amy Winehouse?" and even more puzzling, "why?" Her life took on the bitter taste that characterized the songs she wrote... over the futile odds, laughed at by the gods, and now the final frame, love is a losing game.

The Westminster Shorter Catechism:

Q.1 "What is the chief end of man?"

A. "Man's chief end is to glorify God, and enjoy Him forever."

Incessant Repentance from the Incessantly Falling

"Therefore let anyone who thinks that he stands take heed lest he fall." 1 Corinthians 10:12

We must realize that we are all like Israel. God chose this people for absolutely no reason that makes earthly sense. The only reason God chose Israel was of nothing they had done, but purely so that He could show His grace to an undeserving people. God literally gave Israel everything they needed, and what did that stubborn child do? They turned their backs on God time after time. Even though Israel was almost utterly faithless, God remained faithful and preserved a remnant so that they could still receive the promise.

Already justified, but not yet glorified...that's the state of our existence. Like Israel, we quickly fall from any spiritual pedestal we delusionally think we're on and into the Slough of Despond. Sin turns us in on ourselves and clouds our view of the Cross. We are in a constant state of sin and repentance.

We think we stand, and we let our guards down. Apathy defines our spiritual stance because pride boasted in self. Don't forget that you are like Israel.

Verse 12 is followed by this: "No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it. Therefore, my beloved, flee from idolatry." Flee is a strong word for a strong truth. Flee temptation that leads to idol worship BECAUSE God has already provided a way out. Unlike Israel, we now have a perfect Advocate.

We will think we stand, but actually fall, on a daily basis. Please don't grow tired of repentance. His forgiveness never tires.